Good Stuff

"The Dick in the House"

The Dick in the house is a curious fellow
He says many things, not all of them mellow
His truth is all true
In many small tiny pieces
But the bulk of Dick’s tales
Are entirely specious.
Dick has a big heart for the small-time dictator;
He tends to befriend them, as ventrilo-quator.
But watch out for danger, chaos, hoi polloi
When wooden toys become real live boys.
So we’ve our post-Taliban man in Afghanistan,
Karzai in Kabul, the country to the Khans.
Young Dick thought this fine, unrecognizing
Afghanistan’s history of rebellious optimizing.
"No matter!" Dick excites, "Iraq is in sight!"
What Iraqi can resist in light of our might?
The prize to be seized, an event most prophetical.
No questions, you people
It’s all patriot-ical.
Today Dick worries with photos and film
Of abuses most foul, raw icons of sin.
Part and parcel to being unwanted, unled,
American soldiers in Iraq become walking dead.
But alas and alack, all dead souls aside,
Dick and his friends quell none of their pride.
Get off our backs, you Congressional hacks!
And you people out there, raising doubt with your morals,
Well, the Dick in the House will just rest on his laurels.
Liberation, democracy, peace, gravitas,
For the Dick in the House words mean just what he wishes.
The solution, Dr. Seuss-style, is urgent! Go fast!
Get that cat from the house, out the door, Dick be cast!
And what shall we do with the mess he has made?
A Republic in shambles, a Constitution waste-laid.
They do not make Tupperware for holding this waste.
We must stop the disaster, be bold, make haste.
Take no "No"s for an answer, deny Dick his claim
That all that he's wrought is all in our name.
Turn away from his pleas, stand firm with arms crossed.
And be sure in November his whole clan is tossed.
This story won’t end with a Kerry Dick-Lite.
But this time when Stupid knocks on the door,
Wave no flags, to be sure, and don’t be polite.
Instead do what Mom has always advised,
Don’t take candy from strangers, be prudent and wise.
And if not, if we don’t, it sure won’t be pretty.
As more folks like me are driven to poetry.
So act now, and be firm, make the fools go away,
May Don be the first, then Paul, then Cheney!

May 10, 2004

Karen Kwiatkowski is a retired USAF lieutenant colonel, who spent her final four and a half years in uniform working at the Pentagon. She now lives with her freedom-loving family in the Shenandoah Valley, and writes a bi-weekly column on defense issues with a libertarian perspective for militaryweek.com.